The word dhikr means remembrance and in the Islamic context, it is used in the sense of remembrance of Allah. Allah (subhana wa tala) tells us in the Quran: “O you who believe! Remember Allah with much remembrance.” (33:41) Our Prophet (peace be upon him) also told us: “He who remembers his Lord and he who does not are like the living and the dead.” (Bukhari & Muslim) Dhikr is an all-embracing term that, in addition to including the ritual acts of worship, covers an array of activities of the tongue and heart. It involves thinking of and making mention of Allah at all times and in every area of our lives. This is the worship that has no special time, but is performed constantly so that it permanently links up man’s life with Allah and His service. The importance of constant dhikr cannot be emphasized enough, particularly if we desire to be on the receiving end of Allah’s attention, Grace and Mercy. Allah tells us in the Quran: “Then remember Me, I will remember you.“ ( 2:152 ) Our Prophet (peace be upon him) told us that Allah has said: “I am with My servant when he remembers Me and his lips move making mention of Me.” (Bukhari), He also said: “A man does nothing more calculated to rescue him from Allah’s punishment than making mention of Allah.” (Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah) In addition to our ritual acts of worship including the most frequent one i.e. salat-prayer, there are many other ways of remembering Allah. Of these, reading and reciting the Qur’an is the foremost. Allah refers to the Quran as ‘Adh-dhikr’ i.e. ‘The Remembrance’ or ‘The Reminder’ in as many as 55 places in the Quran. In Surah Saad, Verse 1, He tells us: “By the Quran, full of dhikr.” And in verse 49: “This (the Quran) is no less than a dhikr for all the worlds”. Reading, understanding, reflecting and pondering on Allah’s words is the most effective way of remembering Him. Dhikr also includes remembering Allah when one gets up in the morning, on starting to do anything, on eating, leaving the house, on entering various places and before performing so many other activities. Our Prophet (saw) has taught us the appropriate supplications for every occasion and if we can recite these with understanding, all our activities will, Inshallah, amount to His remembrance and worship. With a little effort these can be learnt; but if for any reason one cannot remember the appropriate one, then even saying Bismillah and being conscious of Allah amounts to dhikr and will be a source of barakah – blessing in everything we do. When a man said: “O Messenger of Allah the ordinances of Islam are too many for me, so tell me something that I may cling to”, he (peace be upon him) replied: “Your tongue will continue to be supple by making mention of Allah.” (Tirmidhi & Ibn Majah) There are so many ways of remembering Allah, taught to us by our Prophet (saw). When we glorify Him by saying Subhanallah (How perfect is Allah), when we praise Him by saying Alhamdulillah (All praise is for Allah), when we magnify Him by saying Allahu Akbar (Allah is the Greatest), all this is dhikr. When we say Astaghfirullah (I seek Allah’s forgiveness), when we say La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah (There is no power nor might except with Allah), all this is dhikr. Our Prophet (saw) also said: “(There are) Two words, (which are) light on the tongue, heavy on the Scale and beloved to The Most Gracious: “SubhaanAllaahi wa bihamdihi. Subhaan Allaahil azeem.” (How perfect Allah is and I praise Him. How perfect Allah is, The Supreme.) We have also been taught the prescribed dhikr for the mornings and evenings. Allah tells us in the Qur’an regarding prayers and dhikr: “So glorify Allah when you come up to the evening and when you enter the morning. And His are all the praises and thanks in the heavens and the earth; and in the late afternoon and when you come up to the times when the day begins to decline.” (30; 17-18) The morning and evening dhikr should also include seeking Allah’s protection from Satan’s machinations and whisperings and all those things that can harm us. Our Prophet (saw) said: “The devil is encircling the heart of the son of Adam, when he mentions Allah, he withdraws; but when he is neglectful, he makes evil suggestions.” (Bukhari) When we supplicate to Allah earnestly, this is also dhikr. Dhikr can be done anywhere and at anytime. Allah tell us in the Quran: “Men who remember Allah standing, sitting and lying down on their sides and contemplate the (wonders of) creation.”(3:191). Ablution is not a prerequisite for dhikr and dhikr can be pronounced with the tongue or done silently. However, when one is saying it, one must not do it with a careless and inattentive heart and try to be conscious of what one is saying. Dhikr is not only to remember and mention Allah when one is on one’s own but also when one is amongst people i.e. in assemblies. Our Prophet (saw) told us that that Allah said: “I am present when My servant thinks of me, and I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me inwardly I shall remember him inwardly and if he remembers Me in people, I shall remember him among people who are better than they.” (Bukhari & Muslim) He peace be upon him also said: “People will not sit remembering Allah without the angels surrounding them, mercy covering them, peace descending on them and Allah mentioning them among those who are with them.” (Muslim) Gatherings where people assemble to learn and teach religion and to remember Him are greatly encouraged and valued in Islam. Allah has angels who go about seeking those who remember Allah. Our Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “When you come upon the pastures of Paradise, feed on them.” When asked what the pastures of Paradise were he replied that they were circles where Allah is remembered. (Tirmidhi) Even when people come together for social purposes, it is important to remember Allah in some way. Our Prophet (saw) said: “People who arise from an assembly in which they do not remember Allah will be just as if they had got up from an ass’s corpse and it will be a cause of grief to them.” (Abu Dawud). There are many prescribed ways of dhikr that are acceptable and praiseworthy in our religion. It is important to remember that dhikr must be done in these prescribed ways as Allah tells us: “And celebrate His praises as he has directed you.”(2;198) Thus creating one’s own ways of dhikr for e.g. reading something or reading something for a specific number of times, unless there is evidence of it in the Quran and the Sunnah, is to be avoided as it may result in the wastage of one’s good deeds. Dhikr is a means of blessings and reward from Allah and also results in peace of mind. Allah tells us in the Quran: “Those who believe and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah, for without doubt, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction.”(13;28) It is vital for our salvation that we remember Allah at all times, both in private and when amongst people. The men and women who remember Allah have been specially mentioned in the Quran amongst the categories of people that are dear to Allah. We have been told about them: “And for men and women who engage much in Allah’s remembrance. For them has Allah prepared forgiveness and a great reward.” (33;35) May Allah make us of those who remember Allah much. Ameen
Praise be to Allaah. Ibn Al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said regarding this matter: There are four kinds of love, which we must differentiate between, and those who go astray do so because they do not make this distinction. The first of them is love of Allaah, but this alone is not sufficient to save a person from the punishment of Allaah and to earn him His reward. The Mushrikeen, worshippers of the cross, Jews and others all love Allaah. The second is love of that which Allaah loves. This is what brings a person into Islam and out of Kufr. The most beloved of people to Allaah is the one who is most correct and most devoted in this kind of love. The third kind is love for the sake of Allaah, which is one of the essentials of loving that which Allaah loves. A person’s love of that which Allaah loves cannot be complete until he also loves for the sake of Allaah. The fourth is love for something alongside Allaah, and this love has to do with shirk. Everyone who loves things alongside Allaah but not for the sake of Allaah has taken that thing as a rival to Allaah. This is the love of the Mushrikeen. There remains a fifth kind of love which has nothing to do with our topic; this is the natural love which is a person’s inclination towards that which suits his nature, such as the love of a thirsty person for water or of a hungry person for food, or the love of sleep, or of one’s wife and children. There is nothing wrong with this unless it distracts a person from remembering Allaah and keeps him from loving Him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings): “O you who believe! Let not your properties or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allaah” [al-Munaafiqoon 63:9] “Men whom neither trade nor sale (business) diverts from the remembrance of Allaah” [al-Noor 24:37] (Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi, 1/134) And he said (may Allaah have mercy on him): The difference between loving for the sake of Allaah and loving something alongside Allaah is one of the most important distinctions. Everyone needs to make this distinction and is indeed obliged to do so. Loving for the sake of Allaah is a sign of the perfection of faith, but loving something alongside Allaah is the essence of shirk. The difference between them is that a person’s love for the sake of Allaah is connected to his love of Allaah; if this love becomes strong in his heart, this love dictates that he will love that which Allaah loves. If he loves that which his Lord loves and he loves those who are the friends of Allaah, this is love for the sake of Allaah. So he loves His Messengers, Prophets, angels and close friends because Allaah loves them, and he hates those who hate them because Allaah hates those people. The sign of the love and hatred for the sake of Allaah is that his hatred for the one whom Allaah hates will not turn into love merely because that person treats him kindly, does him a service or meets some need he has; and his love for those whom Allaah loves will not turn to hatred simply because that person does something that upsets or hurts him, whether it is done by mistake or deliberately, in obedience to Allaah or because the person feels that he has a duty to do it for some reason, or because the person is a wrongdoer who may yet give up his wrongdoing and repent. The entire religion revolves around four principles: love and hatred, and stemming from them, action and abstinence. The person whose love and hatred, action and abstinence, are all for the sake of Allaah, has perfected his faith so that when he loves, he loves for the sake of Allaah, when he hates, he hates for the sake of Allaah, when he does something, he does it for the sake of Allaah, and when he abstains from something, he abstains for the sake of Allaah. To the extent that he is lacking in these four categories, he is lacking in faith and commitment to religion. This is in contrast to the love of things alongside Allaah, which is of two types. One is diametrically opposed to the principle of Tawheed and is shirk; the other is opposed to perfection of sincerity and love towards Allaah, but does not put a person beyond the pale of Islam. The first kind is like the love of the Mushrikeen for their idols and gods. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And of mankind are some who take (for worship) others besides Allaah as rivals (to Allaah). They love them as they love Allaah” [al-Baqarah 2:165] These Mushrikeen love their idols and gods alongside Allaah as they love Allaah. This love and devotion is accompanied by fear, hope, worship and supplication. This love is pure Shirk which Allaah does not forgive. Faith cannot be perfected unless a person regards these idols as enemies and hates them intensely, and hates the people who worship them, and regards them as enemies and strives against them. This is the message with which Allaah sent all His Messengers and revealed all His Books. He created Hell for the people of shirk who love these rivals, and He created Paradise for those who strive against them and take them as enemies for His sake and to earn His Pleasure. Anybody who worships anything from the vicinity of the Throne to the lowest depths of the earth and takes a god and a supporter besides Allaah and associates another beings in worship with Him, will be disowned by the object of his worship when he is most in need of it [i.e., on the Day of Judgement]. The second kind is love for the things which Allaah has made attractive to people, such as women, children, gold, silver, branded beautiful horses, cattle and well-tilled land. People love them with a kind of desire, like the love of the hungry person for food and the thirsty person for water. This love is of three kinds. If a person loves them for the sake of Allaah and as a means of obeying Allaah, he will be rewarded for that; it will be counted as a part of love for the sake of Allaah and a means of reaching Him, and he will still find enjoyment in them. This is how the best of creation [i.e. the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] was, to whom women and perfume were made dear in this world, and his love for them helped him to love Allaah more and to convey His Message and fulfil His commands. If a person loves them because they suit his nature and his own desires, but he does not give them preference over that which Allaah loves and is pleased with, and he gets them because of his natural inclination, then they come under the heading of things which are permissible, and he will not be punished for that, but his love of Allaah and for the sake of Allaah will be lacking somewhat. If his sole purpose in life is to get these things, and he gives priority to that over that which Allaah loves and is pleased with, then he is wronging himself and following his own desires. The first is the love of al-Saabiqoon (those who are foremost in Islam); the second is the love of al-muqtasidoon (those who are average) and the third is the love of al-zaalimoon (the wrongdoers). Al-Rooh by Ibn al-Qayyim, 1/254. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
- Great relationships don’t just happen; they are created. You have to work at it.
- If your job takes all of your best energy, your marriage will suffer.
- One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is your own happiness.
- It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time.
- When you complain about your spouse to your friends, remember that their feedback can be distorted.
- The only rules in your marriage are those you both choose to agree with.
- It is not conflict that destroys marriage; it is the cold, smoldering resentment that you hold for a long time.
- It’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with what you have.
- If you think you are too good for your spouse, think again.
- Growing up in a happy household doesn’t ensure a happy marriage, or vice versa.
- It’s never too late to repair damaged trust.
- The real issue is usually not the one you are arguing about.
- Love isn’t just a feeling; it is expressed through our actions.
- Expectations set us up for disappointment and resentment.
- Arguments cannot be avoided, but destructive arguments can be avoided.
- One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is focused attention.
- Even people with happy marriages sometimes worry that they married the wrong person.
- Your spouse cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you rescue yourself.
- The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it.
- Your opinion is not necessarily the truth.
- Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy.
- Guilt-tripping won’t get you what you really want.
- Don’t neglect your friends.
- If you think, “You are not the person I married,” you are probably right.
- Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points.
- Generosity of spirit is the foundation of a good marriage.
- If your spouse is being defensive, you might be giving them reasons to be like that.
- Marriage isn’t 50/50; it’s 100/100.
- You can pay now or pay later, but the later you pay, the more interest and penalties you acquire.
- Marriage requires sacrifice, but your benefits outweigh your costs.
- Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continous process.
- Accepting the challenges of marriage will shape you into a better person.
- Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight.
- A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than with what you’ve experienced in the past.
- Don’t keep feelings of gratitude to yourself.
- There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening.
- One of the greatest questions to ask your spouse is “How best can I love you?”
- Marriage can stay fresh over time.
- Assumptions are fine as long as you check them before acting upon them.
- Intention may not be the only thing, but it is the most important thing.
- Good sex won’t make your marriage, but it’ll help.
- Privacy won’t hurt your marriage, but secrecy will.
- Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love.
- Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming.
- If your spouse thinks something is important, then it is.
- Marriage never outgrows the need for romance.
- The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary.
- There is violence in silence when it’s used as a weapon.
- It’s better to focus on what you can do to make things right, then what your partner did to make things wrong.
- If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce.
Narrated Abu Hurayrah:
Jibril came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allah! This is Khadijah coming to you with a dish having meat soup (or food or drink). When she reaches you, greet her on behalf of her Lord (i.e. Allah) and on my behalf, and give her the glad tidings of having a Qasab (palace in Paradise) wherein there will be neither any noise nor any fatigue (trouble).”[Bukhari]
Khadijah, may Allah be pleased with her, came from a noble family. Her father Khuwaylid had been one of the most honored leaders of their tribe until he was killed in battle. Her husband had also died, leaving her a very wealthy woman. When Muhammad (peace be upon him) was still a young man, she entrusted him with some of her wealth, asking him to trade with it in Syria on her behalf. He was already well known for his honesty, truthfulness and trustworthiness. He returned from Syria after having made a large profit for Khadijah.
After hearing his account of the journey, she decided that he would make the best of the husbands, even though many of the most important nobles of the Quraish had already proposed to her and had been refused, and in due course she proposed to him. After the Prophet’s uncle, Abu Talib, had given the proposed marriage his blessing, Muhammad and Khadijah were married. At the time of the marriage, the Prophet was twenty-five years old, while Khadijah was forty years old.
For the next fifteen years they lived happily together, and Khadijah bore several children. Their first child, a son whom they named Qasim, died when he was only two years old. However, Muhammad and Khadijah also had four daughters who survived: Zaynab, Ruqayya, Umm Kulthum and Fatima. Then Abdullah was born to him but also died in his infancy.
The more Khadijah came to know about her husband, the more she loved and respected him. Everyone in Makkah called him ‘al-Amin’, which means ‘the trustworthy one’, and she, more than anyone else, knew how fitting this name was. It became Muhammad’s custom each year to spend the month of Ramadan in seclusion and reflection in a cave on the mountain of Hira, which is on the outskirts of Makkah. Khadijah would always make sure that he was provided with food and drink during his retreat. Towards the end of one Ramadan, when he was forty and Khadijah fifty-five, Muhammad suddenly appeared at their house in the middle of the night, trembling with fear and saying, “Cover me up, cover me up!”
Khadijah was very alarmed to see him in such a state. Quickly she wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and, when he had calmed down, she asked him to describe exactly what had happened. He told her how a being whom he had never seen before – in fact it was the angel Jibril – had suddenly appeared to him while he was asleep and had said, “Recite!”
“But I am not a reciter,” he had replied, for he was unlettered and could neither read or write. “Recite!” the angel had repeated, clasping Muhammad close to his chest. “I am not a reciter,” he had repeated. “Recite!” the angel had repeated, firmly embracing him yet again. “What shall I recite?” he had asked in desperation, and the angel had replied:
“Recite, in the Name of your Lord who created, created man from a clot, Recite, and your Lord is the Most Gracious, Who taught with the pen, taught man what he did not know.” [Quran 96:1-5]
“Oh Muhammad,” said Jibril eventually, “you are the Messenger of Allah and I am Jibril,” and with these words he disappeared from Muhammad’s sight.
As she listened to Muhammad’s words, Khadijah did not share any of these fears. She realized that something tremendous and awe-inspiring had happened to her husband, and she was certain, knowing him as she did, that he was neither mad nor possessed. “Do not worry,” she said, “for by Him who has dominion over Khadijah’s soul, I hope that you are the Prophet of this nation. Allah would never humiliate you, for you are good to your relatives, you are true to your word, you help those who are in need, you support the weak, you feed the guest and you answer the call of those who are in distress.”
When Muhammad (peace be upon him) was a little more relaxed, Khadijah took him to see her cousin, Waraqah ibn Nawfal, for he was a man of knowledge, and she was sure that he would be able to explain the meaning of what had just happened to her beloved husband. Waraqah had studied the books of both the Jews and the Christians very closely and he had learned a great deal from many of their wisest people. He knew that the coming of another Prophet had been foretold by both Moses and Jesus, peace be on them, and he knew many of the signs that would confirm the identity of this Prophet when he appeared.
After listening closely to his story, Waraqah, who was both old and blind, exclaimed, “This is the same being who brought the revelations of Allah to Moses. I wish I was young and could be alive while our people will drive you out.”
He explained to Muhammad (peace be upon him) about his Prophethood and that it was the Angel Jibril that had visited him at the cave.
Khadijah as both overjoyed and awed to find that her understanding of what had happened on the mountain had been confirmed. Khadijah did not hesitate in expressing “I bear witness that there is no god except Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.”
In the years that followed, difficult years in which the leaders of the Quraish did everything in their power to stop the Prophet spreading his message, Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) was a constant source of help and comfort to Muhammad (peace be upon him) in the difficulties which he had to face. All her wealth was spent in the way of Allah, helping to spread the message of her husband, helping to free slaves who had embraced Islam, and helping to feed and shelter the community of Muslims that slowly but surely began to grow in numbers and strength.
The Quraish were infuriated by the Prophet’s success and did everything in their power to discourage both him and his followers, often inflicting awful tortures on them, but without success. Eventually there came a time when, as Waraqah had foretold, Muhammad and his followers -along with all the members of his tribe, the Banu Hashim were driven out of the city of Mecca and forced to camp out in a small ravine in the mountains nearby. No one would buy and sell with the Muslims, or allow their sons and daughters to marry any of them.
For three years the small Muslim community lived a life of hardship and deprivation, but although they suffered from hunger and thirst, and from exposure to heat and cold, this was a time in which the hearts of the first Muslims were both purified and also filled with the light of knowledge and wisdom. It was during this period that the Prophet’s uncle, Abu Talib, who was by then more than eighty years old, died; and then a few months later, during the month of Ramadan, Khadijah also died, at the age of sixty-five, may Allah be pleased with her. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) mourned her deeply. They had shared twenty-five years of marriage together and she had given birth to five of his children.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) never stopped loving Khadijah, and although he married several more wives in later years and loved them all, it is clear that Khadijah always had a special place in his heart. Indeed whenever ‘Ayshah, his third wife, heard the Prophet speak of Khadijah, or saw him sending food to Khadijah’s old friends and relatives, she could not help feeling jealous of her, because of the love that the Prophet still had for her.
Once Ayshah asked him if Khadijah had been the only woman worthy of his love. The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied: “She believed in me when no one else did; she accepted Islam when people rejected me; and she helped and comforted me when there was no one else to lend me a helping hand.”
By Imam ibn al Qayyam al Jawzeeyah *The first: *The category of the oppressor to himself, the negligent one, *The second: *One who preserves it appointed time periods, its boundaries, *The third: *One who preserves its appointed time periods, its pillars as *The fourth: *One whom when he stands for prayer perfects its rights, its *The fifth: *One who performs the prayer like the previous person, but in The first category is punished, the second is held accountable, the third is It is narrated that when a servant stands for prayer, Allaah the Glorified This ‘turning away’ has been explained as the turning of the heart away from
one who is deficient in performing ablution for it, negligent with its
appointed time periods, its boundaries and its pillars.
its outward pillars and ablution for it. However, he forsakes striving
against his own self from whisperings and thinking to himself, and so is
preoccupied with whisperings and thoughts.
well as strives against himself in repelling whisperings and distracting
thoughts that overcome him, he is busy in striving against his enemy in
order to prevent him from stealing his prayer, he is in prayer as well as
Jihaad.
pillars and its boundaries. His heart is occupied with preserving its
boundaries and preventing anything of it being lost, rather all his
attention is directed to performing it as it should be, in its most complete
and perfect form, his heart is occupied with the prayer and worshiping his
Lord the Elevated with it.
addition to this, he has taken his heart and presented it to his Lord. He
looks at his Lord with his heart, fully concerned with Him, in utmost
obedience out of love and reverence for Him, it is as if he sees and
witnesses his Lord. All distracting thoughts and whisperings fade away and
the veil between him and his Lord is removed. The difference between this
person in his prayer and others, is greater and better than all that is
between the heavens and earth, he is fully occupied and overjoyed with his
Lord in his prayer.
pardoned, the fourth is rewarded and the fifth is brought close to his Lord,
because he gains a portion of what made the prayer a delight to him. For
whoever is delighted with his prayer in the life of this world, will be
delighted by being close to his Lord in the afterlife as well as being
delighted with his Lord in this life, and whoever is delighted with Allaah,
everything would be delighted with him, and whoever is not delighted with
Allaah the Elevated, his soul will be torn apart for the life of this world
in loss.
says; “Remove the veil.”, and if the servant turns away He says: “Replace
it.”
Allaah the Mighty to other than Him. So if he turns away, the veil is
replaced between him and his Lord and Shaytaan enters and presents worldly
affairs to him, he shows them to him in the image of a woman. But if he
turns with his heart to Allaah and does not turn away, Shaytaan would not be
able to come between Allaah and that heart, he only enters if the veil is
replaced. If he returns to Allaah the Elevated with his heart, the Shaytaan
would escape, and if he turns away, the Shaytaan would return, such is his
state with his enemy in prayer.
This Article is really imp,and everyone must read it…as there are many muslims who don;t treat there parents well…so lets read… Allah (SWT) speaks about the importance of honouring one’s parents in the Qur`an, placing it second only to the worship of and pleasing Him. “Worship Allah and join not any partners with him; and do good to parents…” [An-Nisa 4:36] “Your Rabb has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to your parents…” [Al-Isra' 17:23] “And we have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) ‘Show gratitude to Me and to your parents – to Me is (your final) Goal.’” [Luqman 31: 14] The Example of the Prophets & earlier generations How do we love, respect and revere our parents? We should take the cue from the Prophets (AS) and the righteous generations who fully understood our parents’ exalted position and strove hard to fulfil their rights. Allah praised Yahya (AS) for he was kind to his parents in their old age - “And (Prophet Yahya was) dutiful towards his parents and he was neither arrogant nor disobedient (to Allah or to his parents).” [Maryam 19: 14] He also singled out `Isa (AS) who was devoted to his mother – “…And dutiful to my mother, and made me not arrogant, unblest.” [Maryam 19:32] Asir ibn Jaabir (RA) narrated: Whenever people would come from Yemen, `Umar (RA) would ask them, “Is Uways Al-Qaranee amongst you?” until, one year, he met Uways. He said, “Are you Uways Al-Qaranee?” He said, “Yes.” `Umar continued, “From Muraad, then Qaran?” He said, “Yes.” `Umar then asked, “Were you once afflicted with leprosy and your skin healed except for a dirham’s area?” Uways said, “Yes.” `Umar finally asked, “Do you have a mother (that is alive)?” He said, “Yes.” `Umar then said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah – (SAW) – say, ‘Uways ibn Aamir will come to you with the delegations from Yemen, from Muraad, then from Qaran. He was once afflicted with leprosy and his skin healed except for a dirham’s area. He has a mother, and he treats her kindly. If he was to ever swear by Allah (for something) Allah would fulfill his oath. If you can, request that he ask forgiveness for you.” `Umar then requested from Uways, “Ask forgiveness for me.” And Uways Al-Qaranee did. Look at how Allah honoured Uways – he fulfilled his every du`aa because he was dutiful to his mother. “Birr towards parents entails obeying their orders, except when what they order is in disobedience of Allah. In contrast, `Uquq entails neglecting parents and withholding one’s kindness from them.” [Ad-Durr al-Manthur] In fact, disobeying our parents is a grievous sin – Abu Bakrah Nufay’ ibn al-Harith said, “The Messenger of Allah (SAW) asked us three times, ‘Shall I tell you the greatest sins?’ We said, ‘Yes, O Messenger of Allah!’ He said, “Associating partners with Allah and disobeying one’s parents.” [Bukhari & Muslim] The Prophet (SAW) reminded us not to incur our parents’ displeasure when he said, “The Lord’s Pleasure is connected to the parents’ pleasure and the Lord’s Anger is connected to the parents’ anger.” [Kitabul-Kabair] Look at this narration of Abdullah ibn Abu Aufa about the man who had wounded his mother’s feelings: A man said, “O Allah’s Messenger! There s a young man who is dying and is commanded to recite La ilaaha illallah, but he is unable to recite it.” The Prophet (SAW) went to the young man and ordered him, “Say La ilaaha illallah!” He replied, “I cannot.” The Prophet asked him why and he said, “Every time I want to recite it, my heart is prevented from doing so.” The Prophet asked him why and he said, “Because of my `uquq (undutiful treatment) towards my mother.” The Prophet (SAW) sent for her and asked her, “What if I commanded that a great fire is started and you were asked to invoke Allah to forgive your son, or else he would be thrown in it?” She said, “In that case, I will invoke Allah for him, O Allah’s Messenger!” The Prophet then said, “Then bear witness to Allah and then to me that you have forgiven him.” She said, “I bear witness to You (O Allah) and then to Your Messenger that I have forgiven my son.” The Prophet (SAW) said to the young man, “Say La ilaaha illallah!” The man said, ” La ilaaha illallahu wahdahu la sharika lahu! (There is no deity worthy of worship but Allah Alone without partners)” The Prophet (SAW) said thrice, “All praise is due to Allah for saving you from the Fire.” [At-Tabarani] The fact of the matter is that no matter what and how much we do, we can never fully repay our parents for all that they have done for us. Ibn `Umar saw a Yemeni making tawaf of the Ka`bah, carrying his mother. The man said, “I have carried her more than she carried me. Do you think that I have paid her back, O Ibn `Umar?” He replied, “No, not even one contraction. However, you have done good and Allah will reward you tremendously for the little that you could do.” [Al-Kaba'ir] There are many ways in which we can be dutiful to our parents. This list is by no means exhaustive: 1. Go to every extent to please them We should make our parents’ happiness and comfort a topmost priority. Dhibyaan ibn `Ali ath-Thawri (RA) used to travel with his mother to Makkah. When they rested, he would dig a little pool, fill it with cool water and invite his mother to sit in it so she could be protected from the searing heat. Mu`awiyah ibn Qurrah used to praise his son saying, “What an excellent son, he took care of my life affairs for me and that allowed me to concentrate on matters of the Hereafter.” [Hilyatul-Auliya'] 2. Protect their feelings We should never cause our parents grief or hurt them even by a fraction. Allah said, “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them, ‘Uff’ nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy and say, ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’ …” [Al-Isra' 17: 17:23-24] Ibn `Umar also said, “Bringing tears to parents is a part of `Uquq and a major sin.” [Bukhari] 3. Address them respectfully When asked how one can address one’s parents in “terms of honour”, Sa`id ibn Musayyab (RA) said, “It means that you address them as a servant addresses a master.“ Indeed, the early generations were so respectful that they were almost submissive and obsequious to their parents, no matter how high a status they themselves had attained. Abu Bakr ibn Ayyash said, “I used to sit with Mansur (a scholar) in his house and would hear his mother, who was loud and rude, shout at him, “O Mansur! Ibn Hubairah (governor of Iraq at that time) appointed you to the post of judge but you refuse.’ Mansur would not even look her in the eye out of respect.” [Al-Birr was-Silah by Ibn al-Jawzee] Ibn Sirin used to speak to his mother in such a soft voice that it seemed as though he were ill. 4. Visit them regularly Remember that severing ties of kinship is a major sin. For those of us who do not live with our parents, we would do well to look in on them regularly. Abu Hurairah (RA) had a beautiful relationship with his mother. He lived in the house next to hers and would make it a point to stand at her door whenever he went out and say, “Peace be unto to you, my mother, and Allah’s mercy and blessings.” She would reply, “Peace be unto you and Allah’s mercy and blessings.” He would then say, “May Allah grant you His Mercy for raising me when I was young,” and she would reply, “May Allah grant you His Mercy for being dutiful to me when you grew up.” Abu Hurairah would often repeat this statement when he went in or out. [Bukhari] 5. Make du`aa for them Abu Dardaa (RA) has reported that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, “The du`aa of a Muslim for another Muslim (in his absence) is responded to, as long as he makes du`aa for goodness and blessings. And the angel says, “Aameen! And may the same be for you too!” [Muslim] 6. Continue doing good for them even after they die The Prophet (SAW) said: “When a person dies, all his deeds come to an end except three: sadaqah jaariyah (ongoing charity, e.g. a waqf or endowment), beneficial knowledge (which he has left behind), or a righteous child who will pray for him.” [Tirmidhi] We should not cease to seek forgiveness for our deceased parents, for the Prophet (SAW) said: “A man’s status will be raised in Paradise and he will ask, ‘How did I get here?’ He will be told, ‘By your son’s du’aa’s (prayers) for forgiveness for you.” [Ibn Maajah] We can also perform acts of charity on their behalf. Ibn ‘Abbaas (RA)ma reported that the mother of Sa’d ibn ‘Ubaadah (RA)ma died when he was away from her. He said: “O Messenger of Allaah, my mother has died and I am away from her. Will it benefit her anything if I give in charity on her behalf?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “Then I ask you to be my witness that I am giving my garden al-Mikhraaf (so called because it bore so many dates) in charity on her behalf.” [Al-Bukhari]The Lord’s Pleasure is connected to the parents’ pleasure
Beware of `Uquq!
Al-Hasan al-Basri said,Birr Towards Our Parents
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